If you are new on the parenting journey, ensure to double up on patience. It is important and you will need lots of it because of the required need to care for your children.
You will often have to deal with avoidable sudden outbursts in a lot of times as this is easily an easy way for them to get your attention and trust me when I say they will always over do it.
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Every night, you would sit by your four-year-old to read them amazing bedtime stories. You then, one night decided to not read them any stories because they have refused to brush their teeth. They then immediately begin to cry at the top of their voice, refusing to stop, consequently throwing tantrum until you give in. Welcome to parenthood! And get ready to see lots of that.
As they scream and eventually get you to do their wish, the next time they do not feel like brushing their teeth again, they know exactly how to still make you read them their amazing bedtime stories.
When they finally get to that stage where they easily go to bed on their own without your bedtime stories, you might then begin to think that the stressfull days are over. That is not the case. Just wait until they are teens, That is when you realise that it is not going to be an easy job. Keeping up with the energy of teenagers comes with a whole new level of challenge.
What Factors Contributes to Teenage Tantrums?
What often contributes to the challenge are in most cases not easily describable. Growing into a teen is a developmental stage. You must also know that at this point they now have more interactions with the world outside of your house. They may no longer need you to fix their loosened shoe laces like you have always done for them in the past of help to ensure lunch is packed.
This is the stage where you would often need to put in more work because now they are aware of more things they can get by throwing tatrums as they now have access and interactions with more friends and other people.
The period just before when your child is 10 all the way to when they clock 18 is when teens often experience emotional stress which often lead to tantrums. There is their own self-esteem to deal with and sometimes there is even unrealized mental condition. It could also be the loss of something or someone special, family issues like divorce or house chores.
As a parent or guardian, you will see different reactions depending on your childs personal traits. Some children will throw things, others will break them. Some will yell or even shout while others will refuse to talk to you or eat the delicious food you have spent almost half of your day cooking. All these are not avoidable and very importantly, you must be aware that if great care is not taken, these could also become a commonplace.
Steps To Deal With Teenage Tantrums
Communicate with Your Teenage Child
Most teenagers don’t like being told what to do and adults love to do this. So it is important as a parent to learn the art of effective communication by first understanding your child and what they can do, and being able to talk to them as a friend. This way they don’t think you’re imposing your choice on them. Let your communications be like you know what they are going through.
They don’t know your genuine intent because they can not see through you but you can show them rather than assuming they already know you are only trying to help. For instance, instead of telling them to keep quiet when they’re upset , you could try to find out what it is that is bothering them and offer true support. You could tell them how you have dealt with similar situation in the past yourself. Doing this could get them to open up to you more about their worries even in the future.
Understand the Struggles of Your Child
What your teenage child is going through is different from the kind of pressure that you dealt with as a parent in your days. They probably have schoolwork, some do part-time jobs, balancing social interaction, and baring the pressure of the world around them never seems to end. Therefore, when a child is throwing tantrums, the underlying cause could far from your immediate assumptions.
For most of the time, their sudden and unexpected outburst comes from the lots of things they are holding in. So, check in frequently on them but not just about the things that matters to you as a parent like school but how they feel about it. Ask them other things that also matters to them. Sometimes, it could even just be a faulting Play Station console. Or maybe it’s even their fear of falling short of your expectations of them. If you observe this is the case, you should know how to adjust and make them know that life is not mainly just about these achievements.
Help Them Realize the Problem and Find Solutions
Instead of offering a solution to what may not have even been the problem, together as a trusted friend, you could help them realize the true problems and then use your experience to guide them to the solution. These way, they feel a sense of solving their own problems and don’t feel insecure about the future. I use to know an adult who becomes unhappy when he has no money. He will not ask for help because he is always shy or insecure about it but nothing else makes him happy until his checks comes through. Teenagers too are often like that.
Develop Practical and Encouraging Strategies for Handling their Emotions
One way to help your teenage child to control their tantrum is helping them come up with plans and practical strategies for handling their emotions. You could help them make a draft of self positive notes or something that reminds them to take a pause, a deep breath, or a short walk when experiencing discomfort. Some parents may adopt verses of the bible that helped them.
Reward Good Conduct, No Matter How Small
In the previous point where you helped developed measures to handle their emotions, after you observe that the proposed strategies are working, a good thing you can do is offer them some kind of reward. It does not have to be something big but they must know it is for keeping their end of the agreement. The reward could also be a compliment. It helps to reinforce their confident and tells them that you appreciate they’re learning and growing graciously.
